I never imagined what it would feel like coming back to Mizzou. Well, that's not 100% true, I knew it would be scary.. but never this good. I feel like a new person, like I just woke up from this old life and here I am ready to start again. Walking onto campus for the first time as a student again after eight months of not being one was wonderful. I feel like I can finally handle college as an adult. Not that I haven't been an adult the entire time but something is just better now. I'm able to make connections with my professors and really focus in class. I want to learn. I can't remember the last time I felt like this honestly, I don't remember when I last wanted to go to school. When I last cared about what I was learning or what this would mean for my future. But, I am so blessed to have been able to take the semester off to really understand what it meant to be in college. Although I am not solely defined by what I major in or what GPA I receive, it still is incredibly important that I learn something here. I think I finally know what I want to do when I am done here and I need these skills to do it. But, that doesn't mean I can't have a social life also. I can enjoy college and have friends and be in organizations. It all just requires a balance that I didn't realize I needed to learn. High school, everything was pretty much set for you. When you had to be there, when you had to leave, when every practice would start for sports, or when meetings would happen for organizations... If you didn't go there were pretty bad consequences and your parents got involved. That stability kind of coddled me in a way. I though I could handle being an adult to tell myself to go to my classes, and finish my homework, and read the books... but I struggled. And I'm honest about that. The want to be here, the want to learn from my professors has shown to be the fuel to the fire. I needed a push to show what I was going wrong and show myself how I could be better. I feel like I have finally done that and found my time. Watch out Mizzou. I'm coming for ya.
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