2025… a year of disruption

2025 was a year of so much change and disruption. when the clock struck midnight a year ago, i could not have imagined the ways my life would shift by the time new year’s came back around. it has been a year of growth and development, but not without deep wounds and very real discomfort. today i’ve been thinking about everything… what i’ve learned, what i’m still working on, and what i want to carry with me into 2026. not as resolutions or a “new year, new me” moment, but as someone who feels deeply, who has paid attention to the state of the world, and who has watched how her place in it continues to change.

normally, this is something i would post on my blog (originally posted on facebook & instagram)… something i haven’t been very good about keeping up with or refreshing. but as 2025 unfolded, i realized that writing has been one of the most consistent ways i know how to connect to myself and to others when i don’t always feel capable of doing that out loud. i’ve been writing to myself in some form for as long as i can remember. notebooks. journals. diaries. blogs. tumblr accounts. and for a long time, my writing felt like a performance… like i needed to present a version of myself that was digestible or impressive or put together.

but two years ago, when i lost zach unexpectedly, that changed. i wasn’t writing for anyone else anymore. i was writing to survive. to make sense of the ongoing wave of emotions that was both literally and figuratively drowning me. i honestly don’t know how i would have continued without that outlet. i started writing notes in my phone… then posting pieces on instagram and facebook. eventually, i gathered more than a hundred poems and fragments from scattered places and moved them into a google drive. i’ve been working on them ever since.

that writing became an undercurrent of this entire year… quietly present while life kept moving at full speed.

the year began with travel. columbia to see friends and family. chicago a week later. so many friends welcoming babies, celebrating birthdays, and saying “i do.” my dear friend mitch got married in louisville in march, and just weeks later i had the honor of standing with my brother eric and my new sister-in-law brittany as they got married… also in louisville. shortly after mitch’s wedding, his mom terry passed away. she was such a light, and being able to grieve and celebrate her life alongside childhood friends was both heartbreaking and sacred.

in april, i made the hard decision to leave my part-time role at allisonville christian to pursue full-time work for the first time since zach passed and i moved back from missouri. it wasn’t easy… but it was the right move. in may, i had to say goodbye to my soul cat, cici. losing her so suddenly broke my heart in ways i still feel daily.

just days after that loss, i was offered a full-time role as family ministry director at christ the savior lutheran church in fishers. but before i could even begin, i had two and a half weeks of work waiting for me at montreat in north carolina. the weeks leading up to that trip were full-blown chaos… kyle finished moving in. we adopted two new cats, jayce and ekko. we spent race day at my parents’ house. then my co-director rocky arrived in indy by train so we could drive south together to start our summer.

montreat was, without question, the most rejuvenating and restorative part of my year. being surrounded by our planning team, leadership, students, and community in my favorite place on the planet grounded me in ways i still struggle to put into words. it was the experience that defined 2025 for me. not only did i find a peace and joy i desperately needed, but i felt deeply called into work that mattered… work that gave life to me and to others.

i began the co-director journey in 2023, just months before losing zach. choosing to keep going after that loss was incredibly hard, but it turned out to be one of the most rewarding decisions i’ve made. it truly felt like a resurrection of my heart and soul in the mountains of montreat. every night, exhausted and half-asleep, i wrote blessings and poems about the day… about the themes, keynotes, worship, and quiet moments. it became a bit of a joke that most of them were written from the bathtub. montreat requires a lot of walking… and my body needed the soak. somewhere in that rhythm, “blessings from the bathtub” was born.

after the final candlelight service, kyle met me in montreat and we spent a few days in the smoky mountains. we visited gatlinburg and pigeon forge… went white water rafting, took an atv mountain excursion, ate incredible food, and of course got new tattoos. it was the perfect ending to time away, and we came home ready for summer.

less than a week later, i started at cts and hit the ground running. ministry planning moved fast, with fall just six weeks away. i was met by staff and volunteers who care deeply about connection, justice, and showing up for one another… and i knew quickly this place was special. outside of work, summer was filled with friends, family, pool days at my parents’ house, laughter, and rest. it was beautiful.

and then august 9th happened… someone pulled out in front of me, and despite everything i tried to do, i couldn’t stop. the accident left me with a traumatic brain injury and a host of physical complications that took me out of normal functioning for weeks. the next two months were spent healing, resting, and relearning what my body needed. when i was finally cleared to be out in the world again, i did my best to keep living.

we went to the renaissance faire in ohio with friends. kyle and i saw two of our favorite bands, the story so far and neck deep, play inside a cave in tennessee… which is still one of the best concerts i’ve ever experienced. we spent that weekend in nashville walking broadway, going to the predators season opener, eating incredible food, hearing more live music, and unsurprisingly getting tattoos. fall moved quickly with work, haunted houses, and my birthday rounding out october.

the final stretch of 2025 was full of family and togetherness. thanksgiving took us to kansas city and columbia… kyle’s first time… where we saw extended family and longtime friends. december brought decorations, christmas parties, programs, and events. christmas week itself was a whirlwind… christmas eve was the nativity worship with over sixty kids leading. euchre and the famous rees potato soup and chili. candlelight service at 11pm. hosting kyle’s family christmas morning, then my family in the afternoon, and finally extended family the next day. it was full and joyful and exhausting in the best way.

2025 held so much goodness and so much pain. but isn’t that life? the beautiful and the brutal often exist side by side. this year taught me more about who i am, what i need, and what i’m willing to let go of. i learned that the good i offer the world isn’t erased by the hard things happening around us. that joy and grief can coexist without canceling each other out. that rest is not a reward but a necessity. that healing is rarely linear. and that i am allowed to change my mind, my pace, and my plans as many times as i need.

i found peace in releasing what no longer served me and investing in what gives me life. i named the ways my faith continues to shape how i see the world, and i grieved deeply the harm done by people who claim love while causing pain in God’s name. i mourned the life i once imagined, while also learning how to celebrate the life i am living now. not because it looks the way i thought it would, but because it is honest, hard-earned, and real.

i know there is still so much unfolding ahead. more questions. more becoming. more figuring it out as i go. and while i don’t know what 2026 will hold, i’m entering it with softer expectations, steadier boundaries, deeper trust in myself, and a growing belief that i am allowed to build a life that holds both joy and grief with care.

i’m grateful for the journey… even when it’s hard.

2025 by the numbers

6 states visited

2 weddings attended

43 days traveling

6 new tattoos

14 nail appointments

3 cats adopted

1 dnd campaign started

1 totaled vehicle

1 brand new car

20 chapters, 43 poems, and 20,826 words written