tonight

tonight

I often think of heaven

if it's real

if you're there

if anyone is

if you can see me

or if it's something else

something different

other

between

the thoughts rattle around tonight

as I watch the minutes pass

until that day arrives

am I sad

lost

grief-struck?

it's like i'm waiting for it

but why

why would I await tomorrow

when tonight feels safer

but also not at all

not one bit

because it was in sleep

that I awoke to you gone

just like that

a minute passed

and time changed

forever

forever is what I thought I had

a promise

or many promises rather

of what would come

of what would be

and yet

none did

they were never really broken

just left unresolved

like a page missing

from a book

not yet read

so tonight I wait

and watch minutes pass

holding my breath

wondering if you're there

or not

or everywhere

and ask myself

if I can close my eyes

and know tomorrow will come

and you will not be there

forever