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the weight lingers


Eight years ago, I wrote a blog (you can find it here) called It's Time to Stand Up. Simply put, it was a call to action for those of us left unsure of what was next after Trump was elected the first time. It has been over two years since I've felt a need to write a blog... but here we are.


Today, I don't have pretty words. I can't ask people to stand up, let alone show up, for a country that continues to dismantle their rights and freedoms without so much as batting an eye. Instead, today, I am filled with grief. A feeling that is anything but new to me in the last year since the passing of my husband Zach in December. I look around and listen to those I love... who have been all but screaming for the last eight years about this reality... warning anyone who would listen that democracy is at risk.


I can't ask people to stand up, let alone show up, for a country that continues to dismantle their rights and freedoms...

And still... it didn't matter. Almost 72 million people believe he was worthy of another presidential term. Despite the felony charges, despite the sexual assault claims, despite the hate speech, despite the insurrection, despite the lies... he was still elected. Let me be very clear here - we are passed agreeing to disagree. Trump has made his stance on the LGBTQIA community, immigrants, non-whites, non-Christians, liberals, and more incredibly clear. Hate is the epicenter of his policies, and if you can't see that, I ask you to really look inward. I do not hate those who voted for him, but I do hate what he, and therefore you, stand for. I hate what will be enacted in his name. And, I hate the fear, anguish, and despair flooding marginalized communities because of his election.


Trust me, I knew this was a possibility. We all saw the polls, we all know people who claim to love us and still choose to vote for him. It isn't that we didn't see it coming - it is that we hoped, and prayed, and cried for anyone and everyone to see why it shouldn't. I could get into policy, but I know they don't care. Instead, I write for those who are with me in the mud, in the grief, and in the sorrow.

Hate is the epicenter of his policies...

As a Christian, it is so incredibly difficult to understand how we ended up here. The God I know and love is one of immense love and acceptance. Jesus was a Middle Eastern, immigrant, born in a foreign land, who called all of us into a ministry of loving the neighbor. And beyond it all, I do not understand how a country, formed on the central idea of freedom of belief, which in turn means, separation of church and state, has continued to form into a Christian nationalist movement.


Friends, I am at a loss. Here is just a start of a list of those who will be deeply and personally impacted by Trump's administration: the working class, women, people of color, immigrants, the LGBTQ community, those with chronic health issues, anyone invested in freedom of speech, children, sexual assault survivors, union workers, democratic politicians, voters, educators, students, those living in US territories, disabled individuals, the environment, first-time home owners, Native Americans, and so many more.


I have spent the last 10 months writing poetry to cope with grief. Today I write in grief, but a different kind of grief.


the weight lingers


ballots were cast

votes were tallied

voices were heard


and still it was not enough

hate has become a beacon

and a call into the night


no longer is it taboo

or even surprising

when someone dies


in the name of a God

who calls us into love

but has created divide


today the weight lingers

heads fall down

and tears are shed


we don't know what is next

our safety is in question

our democracy at risk

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